The Right to Buy Beer

Being American is supremely about two things: convenience and responsibility. Convenience because we're an on-the-go culture and need whatever we want when we want it. And responsibility because, well, we have a surplus of laws that are anything but laissez faire and that dictate our life patterns and privileges to a certain extent. That's the reality, though we're often too self-involved to stop and realize the intersection of both of these truths. But what happens when responsibility precludes conveience? The result is decidedly unAmerican.

Yesterday was Father's Day. As an aspiring responsible son, I went out to a local grocery store to pick up a funny yet vaguely touching Hallmark card, some kabobs to barbecue, and enough beer to make the family gathering less awkward. When I proceeded to check out, the cashier, before even greeting me, took the beer and put in behind her. The conversation went something like this:

Me: What are you doing?
Cashier: It's Sunday.
Me: So?
Cashier: You can't buy beer on Sundays.
Me: ...
Cashier: It's the law.
Me: So can I have the beer?
Cashier: No.

No matter how many times I go to a grocery store on a Sunday – which may as well be the national day for getting groceries – it never occurs to me that it's illegal to purchase beer. The thought is absurd to me and being a rationale creature, such an irrational thought never presents itself no matter how many times my prior experience should tell me otherwise. It betrays the spirit of this country, of the first amendment's freedom of religion, and of the documented alcohol habits of our nation's founding fathers.

More over, it runs contrary to the principle of convenience that Americans have come to expect and take for granted. We're last minute people. We don't think a day ahead to get things like beer because yesterday we weren't planning on drinking. Today, we are.

Traditionally, actions may be considered illegal because they pose a threat to others or to self. Concealed weapons cannot be carried into a bar (unless you're in Tennessee or 37 other states) because, hey, someone could get drunk and angry and shoot up the place. But to make it illegal to purchase alcohol from a store (and not a bar) on a specific day of the week is ludicrous and cannot be justified.

The only good thing that can be said about the law is that the people you meet at a bar on Sunday afternoons tend to be far more interesting than on other days of the week. But don't take my word for it.