Rapture Happens, Millions of Hindus Missing

In an odd and unexpected twist of fate, Harold Camping, Herald of the May 21st rapture, expressed his complete surprise not that he wasn't raptured, which the world expected, but that thousands of Hindus in India and the rest of the world have been reported missing. "I'm flabbergasted" and "looking for answers," he told a San Francisco Chronicle Reporter today.

Camping, who has previously conceded that he was wrong in predicting the 1994 rapture, nevertheless maintains that the fact that he and none of his followers have been raptured is "absolute proof that [he] is correct. The rapture definitely took place, but there just wasn't a soul worth saving so it went unnoticed." But not in India.

In the Times of India and the Hindustan Times, reports of Hindus having vanished into thin air have shocked and rattled the subcontinent. Indian Prime Minister Manhohan Singh has declared a state of emergency and has cautioned that it does not yet know how many have gone missing, but that he estimates the number to be in the tens of millions.

Those missing have reportedly tended to be younger children, cow-herders, and religious holy men. In the Mathura region in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh, nearly everyone has disappeared. The area is mythologically believed to be the birthplace of the Hindu god Krishna, but local authorities say that it is too soon to attribute a correlation between belief in Krishna and the disappearances.

When asked to comment on the numerous disappearances of Hindus, an ironic contrast to his belief that elect Christians would be raptured, Camping curtly said that he was "very surprised" and refused further comment. Michael Garcia, the special projects coordinator for Camping's Family Radio, offered: "Maybe this had to happen for there to be a separation between those who have [true] faith and those who don't." This would mean that the fluffy liberal idea that "it doesn't matter what god you believe in so long as you believe" is incorrect.

Von Harringa, president of Black Ministries International, commented that "[w]e're still searching the Scriptures to understand why it didn't happen." But judging by the fact that millions of Hindus have vanished and that every Christian remains accounted for, he could be searching in the wrong Book.

UPDATE 8:54 PM: On tonight's Family Radio, Herald Camping has explained the Hindu disappearance by citing that the "first shall be last and the last shall be first", explaining that the first are those who have had access to the Bible for the longest and the last are those who have not been exposed to it. This only serves to corroborate why so many Hindus have disappeared and Christians remain on earth.